namesake

So it's past midnight and i'm not sleeping, only this time it is the rare coin in the purse. I've been going to bed eaaarly these past few weeks, but today I'm waaaay behind on my editing, like I can feel my body off balance, my head heavy falling behind me and my neck straining to bring it upright again or else my neck my keep growing and growing and growing, with the rubbery texture of playdough until, oops, it just rolls right off my body. So, anyway, I need to catch up now. Even so, I will sleep now and continue working tomorrow and the next day and the next. The day after those, though, B and I are finally taking a bit of time off the islands. Hurray. We're going to Del Mar for the final weekend of horserace season. I guess B's part (ticket and hotel) are a bonus from his boss who's into the race scene (hobby) and so we're all going down together to paaaarty. That'll will be a much-needed hop and skip off HI.

My body loves that I quit. My head sometimes still beats me with a death stick, tempting me to light it before I turn into a bloody pulp from the beating. But I say NOOOO! Ha.

sales update

I'm now at $10,000 ish for the month (one cannot take commission till you top $30,000 in sales). That other woman I spoke of is at $75,000 for the month. Apparently last August, she topped $300,000!!! AHAHAHAHAHA. She's been working here 11 years and she speaks Japanese but common! Give me a motha-fking break! Yipes.

winds of change...

...27 years and kicking...
...quit smoking on Monday, feel fine most moments, occasionally want to kick someone in the groin, mostly my withdrawals happen at night in the form of repeated sudden jolts of wide-awakeness, a grab at air like I might be drowning, and a piss before wafting back down into my slumber...
...switched my nicotine craving focus to a caffeine focus; once I get the former under control, I'll kick the latter as well...
...sold $2,000 worth of art so far this month as compared to our top saleswoman at $55,000 and running...
...find I have much more energy than before and maybe my brain is playing tricks on me but i think i can smell better too...
...miss our discussions on soulandmeat, maybe we should make them less formal, less formidable; i know unless i feel well read on a subject, i won't venture an opinion, so maybe we should broaden the subjects and let them flow where they will through our discussions, dunno...
...the summer is still high and flying, crystal blue sky waters green and aqua with bright yellow and orange fish with black stripes, sunspots filtered on cobbled streets, and happy jabber and tinkling laughter everywhere you look; weeeeeeee...

Sundays in the summer

Today is a good day. I feel it mixed in with all my other sloppy hungover emotions. Drank last night with the boys, B's boys. It's always fun, a gaggle of jugo men, drinking, smoking, laughing, and I, sitting there, trying to catch a thread of the conversation or begging someone or other to translate when they laugh particularly hard or when i think the gossip might be juicy. Drinking and smoking. And good god....cold turkey and mayo sandwich coming right uppo.

Sunday at work, august five. B's home or swimming or shopping or sleeping or who knows whatwhere. And I'm sitting here, strangely upbeat for the hangover and ominous cloud hanging over my tomorrows. Excited and anticipating another phase.

Hmmm...

p.s.

meme just passed her drivers license test. again. ooph

I've got blueberries

and peaches and papayas and cabbage and veganaise and tuna and smoked turkey and chicken and onions and garlic and tomatoes and so much good food. it is a marvelous feeling playing house sometimes (long as you don't look at the receipts).



i'm quitting smokes in two days. oh me. and I don't want to gain any weight. and i want to exchange my passionate enjoyment of tobacco for a rekindled passionate enjoyment for exercise--running early early in the morning is the best. that means sleep early too. i've been nervous off and on but millions and millions of people have done it before me, some stronger some weaker. anyway, fuck comparisons, it's me whos doing it. Sunday's it for life. goooooolllee.



so I wrote. actually i typed meme a letter. large print, seven pages long, with a map of hawaii and quotes and all. she's 95 years old. she wrote me back, probably the day i wrote her and said we should be writing partners. she said, this whole time she thought she was the only letter writer in the family. well well. here we are another one, eh. so be it. i have found my new writing buddy. i've been looking for one for so long. why is it we always look in the wrong places for things we need. like the alchemist kid.



i think i'll have a smoke. hold on while i grap my ashtray. i'll be right back.



so i'm up to my neck in the drama of my company. drama here and there and everywhere. a few days after i joined the least teamy team out there eight administrators in the company were let go. boss man, the artist himself, doesn't know much about business, apparently, and figured that the best way to trim some co. fat was to remove the entire hierarchy of infrastructure. some of the guys he let off have been wiht the company over ten years. how's the for thanks for your loyalty and we appreciate all you've done for us. so these last few weeks have been random people stepping up to the plate, trying to salvage their jobs, trying to knock some business sense into bossman. lucky me, ive got a new boss now who dosn't know how to use excell or make a schedule or attach to an email. so i am now necessary even though my sales records for the month, which should have averaged at $10,000 were only $2,000. we'll see what the future holds. it's kind of entertaining, in a way. i guess because i have zero loyalty to the company or the people in it, or even my eight dollar an hour job. whatev.



life is good, though, on the whole. i'm living with the most beautiful boy i've ever met and he loves me and i love him and we're are quite fully ourselves with each other and we're saving, thanks to him, and a few months from now i'll be tobacco free (and urge-freeish). and i love my house and i love the weather here and i love the wind and i'm turning 27 in a few days. whoooeee. i think 27 is a good year. especially when it falls in the year 2007. i love a balanced number. i think 27 will be a year for me like 23 was. it just felt significant going into it and indeed that was a massive turner in my life.



i've got to get editing. its been a while. and i've got to call Mr. Kimo (who needs a salesperson). and i've been ordered to go to the sauna. so i've got a full plate today and its already noon.



cheers.